Joan Gets a First Kiss

SPOILER ALERT: This article contains spoilers for the series premiere of ABC’s “The Golden Bachelorette.”

“The Bachelor” amplifies its age range in hopes of proving that finding love during one’s later life stages is possible. The franchise aired its first “Golden Bachelor” series last September and is now delivering yet another spin-off: the first-ever “Golden Bachelorette.”

The chosen golden girl is past contestant Joan Vassos, who, in true motherly fashion, dropped out of the previous “Golden Bachelor” season to aid her daughter. Her grounding, warm energy earned her the ultimate promotion, and set her off on path to hopefully find love and definitely have an adventure.

Vassos’ intro package was reminiscent of the first couple of minutes of the movie “Up”: heartwarming, beautiful and completely devastating. Vassos spoke about her late husband, who passed away in January 2021 due to pancreatic cancer. She mentioned their happy marriage of 32 years and his ability to make her feel “seen” and “loved.” Mournful yet poised, Vassos set forth on her “Golden Bachelorette” journey.

It began with the typical limo rolling through the gates, introducing the first of the 24 men competing for Vassos’ heart. Out came Pascal, the salon owner, who also has a “sexy” French accent, as noted by Vassos.

The gifts Vassos received ranged from a seashell and flowers to a faulty cane turned into push-up act, the unforgettable “Chock-a-noodle soup” (which was likely cold), and what seemed like a delicious home-cooked steak dinner.

Talking about the dinner, its chef Jack came in with a voice as smooth as butter. Parallel to that of Frank Sinatra. He serenaded Joan to “My Way.”

Some contestants opted for no limo whatsoever, including Austin, Texas rancher David, who arrived on a horse that ran away as soon as it got the chance. However, the best entrance goes to Keith, the massive, girl-dad Teddy bear who arrived in a station wagon that seemed to be taken straight from a “National Lampoon’s Vacation” movie: It had bags tied to the roof and everything. This roll-in, along with his charming, fun-guy energy, earned Keith the First Impression rose and Joan’s first kiss of the season.

The show had a surprise in store: “The Bachelor” Season 28 winner Kelsey Anderson showed up and introduced her father, Mark Anderson, as the final contestant. After appearing on Season 28’s hometown date episode, when Kelsey brought Joey Graziadei back to meet her family, the internet fell in love with Mark.

Apparently so does Joan, as she is heard saying, “I love you, Mark,” in the previews for the season at the end of the show. Their chemistry was palpable — or his eyes are just dreamy — but their relationship has more in store for sure. The other man who seemed to capture her heart was Dan, who received the second rose, and started tearing up when talking about his adopted daughter. Dan’s endearing nature matched Joan’s very well.

And in true dad fashion, there was a PickleBall mention less than an hour into the episode. This turned into a full on match that involved everybody? The moment was sweet — the result of giving 24 men a racket and balls to play with.

The premiere included encouraging clips of the contestants’ families, which they all watched together, and as always, a tense Rose Ceremony.

Vassos narrowed down her suitors from 24 to 18, sending Bill, David, Ken, Pablo, RJ and Thomas home.

“The Golden Bachelorette” airs on Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.