How ‘Borderlands’ Failed Gamers Like Me

Spoiler alert: This column contains mild spoilers for the “Borderlands” film and game series.

On paper, the wildly popular “Borderlands” game series is the perfect fodder for the big screen: Ragtag bunch of space outlaws? Check. Potty humor to punctuate intense action? Check. A lovable (and a little annoying) robot sidekick? Check!

So how did Lionsgate’s film adaptation, helmed by Eli Roth, fumble the bag so badly?

It’s a dud movie by any standard: “Borderlands” holds a meager 5% fresh rating from critics on review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes, while Variety‘s chief film critic lambasted the predictable plot, writing, “As the film goes on, it’s increasingly clear where things are headed. By the time ‘Borderlands’ unlocks its vault, not even the characters seem to care what’s inside.”

But of everyone who wastes 102 minutes on this middling “Guardians of the Galaxy” knockoff, there’s one group bound to be the most frustrated: the gamers, like me.

When the first “Borderlands” game was released in 2009, it pioneered a new genre of the looter shooter. The fast-paced combat style forced players to take note of randomized new guns dropped by defeated enemies, changing their battle strategies with each higher-quality gun acquired.

The electrifying gunplay was complemented by a compelling cast of playable characters: siren Lillith with powerful Eridian abilities, berserker tank Brick, hunter marksman Mordecai and former Crimson Lance soldier Roland.

Brick and Mordecai are absent from the film, while spunky young gunslinger Lillith is, for some reason, played by 55-year-old Cate Blanchett. While her talent is undeniable (and actresses of a certain vintage are certainly deserving of being action heroes), it’s hard to find a shade of the OG character in her portrayal of a weathered and wise rogue. Meanwhile, the gruff Roland is reduced to a series of tired jokes about Kevin Hart’s height.

I’ll be the first to admit that the comedy of “Borderlands” is extremely 2009, and not for everyone — though it felt refreshing at the time for a first person shooter not to take itself seriously. Crude insults like “Bonerfart” don’t fare as well in 2024 as they did in that simpler time.

Unfortunately, while the film makes significant departures from its source material in plot and characterizations, this outdated humor — the element that most needed a refresh — seems to be the one thing kept intact.

At one point, when Blanchett’s Lillith and Kevin Hart’s Roland approach a narrow hallway, she motions for him to go ahead and quips, “Ladies first.” Not exactly cutting-edge comedy.

Nearly every joke falls flat, at no fault of the cast, who give it their all with a nonsensical script that fails to build up to any kind of meaningful conclusion. It’s no surprise, given the film’s production woes.

The film started its shoot in 2021 during the pandemic, but underwent reshoots in 2023, which were helmed by “Deadpool” director Tim Miller. “The Last of Us” scribe Craig Mazin wrote the original script which Roth signed on to direct, but he later disowned the project, which now credits Roth and Joe Crombie as screenwriters.

Their script builds to a third-act “twist” that could be spotted from a mile away — Lillith is the true daughter of Eridia, and possesses powerful phoenix-like traits, including the super-charged ability to “phasewalk.” In the game, that phasewalk is quite literally the first skill that players can unlock for the character, making this a particularly unsatisfying reveal for anyone who’s even slightly familiar with the source material.

If the film pays no mind to the players who have purchased over 77 million “Borderlands” games, then who exactly was this made for?