Should you be using AI in your dating life?

Artificial intelligence is inescapable. It’s curating your Spotify playlists, writing your work emails, and, depending on how much you trust ChatGPT, maybe even drafting your texts. So, of course, it has infiltrated online dating.

The biggest apps are already rolling out AI-powered features — helping you craft the perfect profile or screen for creeps. But the real question isn’t whether AI can be part of your dating life. It’s whether it should be.

Should you let an algorithm finesse your Hinge prompts? Can an AI-generated opener spark real chemistry? And if a chatbot politely rejects a match for you… does that make you emotionally unavailable or just efficient?

To untangle the dos and absolutely don’ts of AI-assisted dating, I spoke to friends, acquaintances, and relationship coaches to gain their perspectives.

The argument against using AI at all

Predictably, when I asked people on social media whether using AI in dating apps is fair game, many were quick to say it’s a hard no.

“[It’s] unethical, and if you can’t make your own responses to a person you’re interested in dating then you shouldn’t be dating,” said Ashley C., a social worker living in Chicago.

Elijah D., a data analyst based in Chicago, was blunt when asked about using AI in dating apps. “IT’S NEVER OK,” he declared.

“I’m anti-AI period,” said Devan H. an actor living in New York. “I can’t imagine what I would be using an AI for in my dating life. Maybe writing a bio on a dating app? But in that case it really feels like an inaccurate representation of you and your personality doesn’t it.”

“If it’s to create conversation because you’re too incompetent to do it on your own, then you deserve to be killed when the AI takes over,” joked Heike D., a resident of Texas. “But for real, it feels disingenuous and an easy cop-out for people that refuse to build any true social skills.”

The overwhelming sentiment? Letting AI craft your messages feels straight-up disingenuous. Many dating coaches agree, often emphasizing the importance of authenticity — no embellishing your height, job, or anything else that could unravel later. After all, how can you build trust when you’re outsourcing the conversation from the start?

“People using these tools are no longer communicating with one another,” said matchmaker and dating coach Blaine Anderson in an email to Mashable.

“The AI communicates for them. So if your AI tool is well-tuned enough to send fun and flirty messages, and you use those messages to land a date, that’s nominally great. But if you’re not actually a fun or flirty person, the person sitting across from you is going to wonder why the version of you they met online never showed up.”

Maybe, but with some caveats

So beyond the general inauthenticity of using AI, when is it actually okay to use AI in your dating life? The answer largely depends on personal comfort levels. Still, according to many people who responded to us on social media, the consensus is that AI should be limited to profile bios — and that’s it.

Genny Diehl — known on TikTok as @datingcoachdiehl — says AI can quickly warp your IRL persona. It’s one thing to lean on ChatGPT for the perfect ice-breaker, but once you’re swapping in AI-generated photos and spit-shined banter, you’re no longer showing up as the messy, interesting human you actually are.

Kenny H., a wedding planner in Houston, sees AI as a handy tool for date planning.

“I’ve mapped out dates with AI,” he told us. “ChatGPT has given me some bomb recommendations. But using it to carry the conversation or anything beyond that? Feels wrong.”

Another respondent, Natalie C from Austin, said she found ChatGPT helpful in revamping her profile.

“It told me what aspects to focus on and gave me some prompt ideas so that’s the extent I’ve used it,” Natalie said. “But I’ve seen TikToks of people saying that they’ve had men say they were using bots to speak to women.”

“I would say if you’re organizing your dating profile [that’s fine],” said Kiara T, a resident of Georgia. “But that’s the end of it.”

Beyond authenticity, there’s also the issue of privacy — especially when feeding personal details about yourself or potential love interests into AI tools like ChatGPT or “rizz” apps designed to generate the perfect response.

“Users should be mindful of their data and exercise caution,” warned Anwar White, a dating coach who specializes in working with women of color. “Over-reliance on AI can hinder personal growth and the development of essential dating skills.”

Because at the end of the day, if an algorithm is doing all the flirting for you, are you really learning how to connect — or just outsourcing the hard part?

So, when is it okay?

Trying to send a breakup text? One person Mashable spoke to says that’s fair game. If AI can help draft a thoughtful, drama-free message — especially for a short-lived situation — why not let it take the emotional labor off your plate?

“I’d be fine with someone using AI to help craft a breakup text to me,” said Jackie M., a writer residing in New York. “[But] only if we’d been on fewer than three dates. After that, I’d probably be insulted.”

More than anything though, the biggest question is “do you deserve to know your match is using AI?”

“Dating apps already create a layer of separation between people, and AI has the potential to widen that gap even further,” Diehl said. “I see no issue if AI helps get someone from ‘stuck in app limbo’ to ‘actually on a date,’ but when it becomes a substitute for real engagement, that’s when it stops being a tool and starts being a barrier.”

That disconnect isn’t just theoretical — some people are already adjusting their expectations, or lowering them entirely.

“Interestingly, I’ve chatted with a handful of women recently who said they basically don’t care about messaging on dating apps anymore, because they can’t assume the guy sending the messages is actually the one writing them,” Anderson wrote.

At the end of the day, how you use AI in your dating life is entirely up to you. But after speaking with daters, coaches, and experts, one thing is clear: authenticity still matters. You’re better off being yourself — flaws, awkward texts, and all.