‘Mistress Dispeller’ review: A shockingly intimate look at extramarital affairs

In American media, a man cheating on his wife is often a source for tears, screaming, vengeance, murder-based TV shows, or one of the greatest concept albums of all time. So, when this American movie critic sat down for the Chinese documentary Mistress Dispeller, I brought my societal expectations with me, thinking I knew what I was in for. I was very, very wrong, but I found real pleasure in what this curious film offers instead. 

Hong Kong-born filmmaker Elizabeth Lo follows “mistress dispeller” Wang Zhenxi as she engages with a client, a middle-aged wife in China who is distraught that her husband has taken a younger mistress. The wife, called Mrs. Li in the film, tearfully unfurls her suspicions and the evidence that has brought her to this moment. But even as she is hurt, she explains ardently how kind her husband is, sharing a story of how he takes special care when cooking for her mother. 

This dizzying mix of feelings — anger and love — in the film’s first act establishes the emotional complexity that is knit throughout Mistress Dispeller, which isn’t interested in blame or salacious details. Instead, this remarkable documentary engages its audience through an earnest empathy with all three parties, and a daring openness between subject and filmmaker that is absolutely stunning. 

Mistress Dispeller is most shocking in how much its subjects share. 

How Mr. Li’s affair has impacted his own life, as well as the lives of his wife and mistress, is revealed through simple scenes of day-to-day life. A woman getting her hair cut at a salon may seem mundane at first glance, but then you see the tear snaking out of her eye and down her cheeks as her expression struggles to stay stoic. More engaging, though, are the numerous dining scenes, where two (or three) of these subjects sit across from each other as an unblinking camera shoots them in profile. 

At first, it seems Lo is capturing only a casual conversation. But when Mr. Li looks from his companion into the camera’s lens, we’re reminded that he knows he’s being watched. And yet, even then, he shares his secrets. Similarly, his mistress, Fei Fei, will open up in front of Lo’s lens, defending her love of her married boyfriend, and even welcoming the crew to follow her away from date night and into her working day. Here, the polished, pale make-up and frilly, coquettish dress she wore to impress her man is gone, replaced by a cleaner face and simple streetwear as she zips around on a scooter unglamorously delivering frozen food. 

Lo doesn’t lean on talking-head interviews or a narrator to step us through this story. She lets the words and actions of this tangle of people speak for itself. And while we may blanch at the feeling of voyeurism perhaps inherent in a documentary that delves into the nitty-gritty of a marriage in peril, a simple promise makes Mistress Dispeller extraordinary. 

Consent is key in Mistress Dispeller. 

In the opening credits of the film, a title card proclaims: 

“Everyone agreed to participate both at the beginning and end of production, as their understanding of the film and mistress dispeller’s role evolved over time.” 

What Mr. Li and Fei Fei think they’re being filmed for initially isn’t clear, as Wang’s involvement with them begins undercover. Collaborating with Mrs. Li, she is introduced to the husband as a friend. Steadily, as she grows in his confidence, he opens up about Fei Fei, and introduces the two, calling Wang a “cousin.” All the while, Wang is getting to understand each side of this love triangle, not to strategize the fastest way to break it up but the most compassionate way.

Operating without judgment, Wang aims to understand how Fei Fei came to be involved with Mr. Li, why he was drawn to her, and what they and Mrs. Li want now. She works the case like a psychological detective, determining motive through clues and covert interrogations involving badminton matches and mani/pedis. As she comes to see the messy emotions that built this puzzle of love and pain, she invites us to understand them too as the fly on her wall. It’s an extraordinary thing, watching these people in moments of heady infatuation, crushing betrayal, and deep confusion, all while they know they’re being filmed. The subjects’ awareness of the cameras might mean there’s a level of performance at play. But as they get to know Wang, it’s easier and easier to believe the cameras they once stared at become just another piece of furniture as they chart their way forward. 

Mistress Dispeller is gorgeous to behold. 

Lo also serves as the director of photography and co-editor on the film, and deserves praise for every role. As a director, she smartly hangs back, allowing the subjects to tell their story however they see fit. With editor Charlotte Munch Bengtsen, she takes what might be thought of as B-roll and assembles them into pieces that neatly construct a challenging narrative that has no real villain. As a cinematographer, she captures scenes of domestic simplicity, like a lunch together between husband, wife, and undercover mistress dispeller, with a keen eye for detail.

Along with a meditative pacing that gives big feelings room to breathe, there’s often a charming symmetry in the framing, which not only makes for a pleasing image but also bolsters the film’s emotional focus on balance. There is never only one side to a story, and the equal weight shared in such staging subtly reminds the audience of this simple, but often overlooked fact. 

This sense of balance is made all the more impactful in a finale where Mrs. Li and Fei Fei finally meet; conflict seems inevitable, but it won’t play out like American media would have us expect. And yet, Wang sits at just of the center of the frame, not to take sides but to even out the power dynamic at play. Even without melodramatic moments of gnashed teeth and bellowed accusations, Lo’s moving film captures heartache and humanity viscerally. More incredibly, through the story of one real marriage confronting an affair, she urges her audiences to reconsider the biases of shame and blame we’ve taken in through scads of more salacious media. It’s not that Mistress Dispeller is preachy — far from it. Instead, this doc makes showing all sides look so easy that you might well wonder why it’s not done more often. 

In the end, Mistress Dispeller is a marvel: elegantly constructed, ethically created, and thought-provokingly humane. 

Mistress Dispeller was reviewed out of its North American Premiere at the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival.