‘Lover Girl’ dating trend: situationships are out, romance is in

What’s your favourite season? Mine’s the ‘Lover Girl’ era.

Don’t worry, this dating trend isn’t a catchy buzzword to describe bad behaviour. Rather refreshingly, it describes people who proudly call themselves romantic, those who are embracing their soppy side — something that’s historically been regarded as a bit cringe, or something we should hide.

The Lover Girl dating trend is about tossing aside that boring cynicism and disdain. Get in, girlies, we’re embracing our love of romance and we don’t care if you don’t think we’re cool.

We’re in great company, too. Sixty percent of UK women surveyed by Bumble identify as Lover Girls and are “celebrating romance with renewed enthusiasm,” according to the dating app. Fifty-seven percent of those surveyed would proudly call themselves romantic at heart, with 51 percent embracing qualities like thoughtfulness and passion in their quest for love. Old-school romantic gestures are also having a moment, with 42 percent loving unexpected gifts, 42 percent enjoying forehead kisses, and 38 percent liking handwritten love notes.

What does Lover Girl-ishness look like in the dating realm? Well, it starts with knowing what you want and being intentional about finding it. Forty-seven percent of single folks say they’re clearer about their dating goals, and 40 percent are focusing on quality over quantity when it comes to dates.

As someone who can quote Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 period drama film directed by Joe Wright) word for word, I have been in my Lover Girl era for longer than I can remember. Did I just binge-watch Netflix’s Nobody Wants This and re-add Adam Brody to my list of fictional boyfriends? Yes, yes I did (let’s be honest, Seth Cohen was already on that list). I am looking for Emily Henry-level romance, but the reality of the dating scene hasn’t quite matched up to the fictional romantic heroes I’ve been lusting after.

It’s worth noting that romance hasn’t always been celebrated. Historically, people have looked down upon rom-com movies and romantic literature, with some people patronisingly referring to these genres as “chick lit” or regarding them as artistically inferior. I don’t need to spell out why devaluing art that’s typically made for and by women is deeply misogynistic, but if you would like to read more about this particular side effect of existing in a patriarchy, then here’s a piece I wrote about romcom snobbery. Romantic fiction is also having a major moment thanks to TikTok — specifically BookTok and their love for all things spicy.

In any case, I’m glad we’re all going public about our love of romance — something we’ve typically been made to feel a bit embarrassed or cringey about. As Bumble’s sex and relationship expert, Dr. Caroline West, says, “It’s historically been a bit ‘uncool’ to admit that you are romantic — but this shouldn’t be the case, so now is the time to drop being ‘coy’ and embrace a season for Lovers.” 

“Being confident and intentional when you date can be a really attractive quality. Bumble’s research suggests that we’re embracing our emotions this year, with over a third of people being more intentional about getting what they want when it comes to romance and dating,” adds West.

This is one dating trend that requires mass adoption, in my view. If everyone can embrace just even the smallest crumb of romance, then we can finally bridge the gap between fiction and reality. Everyone needs to step into their romantic hero/heroine light.