Trump campaign’s take on Tim Walz’s coaching days proves they don’t know football

There are few things as shameful, in my mind, as pretending to Know Ball and yet Not Knowing Ball.

To be indifferent to Ball is fine enough. To be indifferent to Ball is to be a potential Ball-Knower lain dormant. But to act like you Know Ball and to not Know Ball? That is a moral failing. Even further, it is a black stain on your character — to thieve at Ball-Knowing is to steal valor from the Ball-Knowers who are right with God. You claim to Know Ball but don’t remember Correll Buckhalter? How rich. Describe to me the merits and rise of, if you will, the read option among the pro ranks in the 2010s. Thoughts on Chris Borland?

I am, of course, talking about the 2024 presidential election.

The Trump campaign and other Republicans, in a distasteful fit of Not Knowing Ball, have called into question the football bona fides of Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, the Democratic Vice President nominee and former high school football coach. Some rightwing Non-Ball-Knowers have posted and pontificated about the merits of Walz’s football career because he was a defensive coordinator. They wonder how he can claim to be a football coach if he was an assistant coach.

Here is, for instance, a post about it from an official Trump campaign account. The replies feature many people agreeing.

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I take no pleasure in reporting that all these people do not Know Ball. There is perhaps no more Football Job in the world than defensive coordinator. It is the purest form of Ball. A head coach is basically a CEO figurehead for the team. Fine enough, but it’s akin to a celebrity chef who hasn’t worked the line in years. An offensive coordinator is all sizzle, no steak. They’re all 35, good-looking, and working for their next job — a politician, basically. Special teams coordinators work closely with kickers.

To be a defensive coordinator is to live with honor. It is the American version of being a chivalrous knight. It is not to expect glory but to live with purpose because it is right to live a purpose-driven life. You must admit there will always be points scored, yet you will always fight against that current. Perhaps the only more honorable job is strength coach.

Walz was a defensive coordinator who took a cellar-dwelling team to a state championship. The Republican Party and Trump’s campaign are telling voters in the Rust Belt, SEC country, and elsewhere that defense doesn’t matter. As if it doesn’t win championships? That is a horrific display of Not Knowing Ball. People online let them know it.

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Any politics aside, this was a stunning, official display of the Trump campaign Not Knowing Ball. To slander a defensive coordinator is to slander the game itself. To wonder aloud the merits of leading a group of young men to glory in the 4-4 alignment? That is an affront to all this nation holds dear.

Not every American needs to Know Ball. But we must hold sacred the values of those who do and protect against those who wish to muddy the waters with a lack of Ball knowledge.